Hello, my Chime? Welcome back to Diary of a Bipolar Pixie with me, Pixie, as your casually insane host.
Question of the day, “What is Pixie going to do this time?” Answer: I was thinking of discussing some common questions about Bipolar II Disorder, and about being a pixie. Also, just in case you were curious, I made up these question or found them online because at the time of creating this content, I had 0 messages, comments, emails, and replies, so I decided to make some shit up.
For example, the first question I could come up is, “Hey, if you are a pixie, why do you call yourself Pixie as a name?” The answer is, I didn’t put as much thought into a name for myself as I did a name for my content.
“But, Pixie, why not just go by your given name then?” Well, I have paranoid thoughts about people knowing my name, finding my location, coming to my house and murdering me.
“That seems a bit irrational don’t you think?” Well, of course it’s irrational, that’s why it’s called being paranoid. If it was completely rational, it would be understandable. I would also like to add, I watch a ton of horror movies, true crime documentaries, Criminal Minds, etc., and all I can say is I’d currently rather be paranoid than at the end of any angry stalker!
“Pixie, why did you start with ‘Hello, my Chime?’ What’s a Chime?” Funny story, at least to me. I was hanging out at work trying to think of what I was going to do for this post, and had a thought. I watch a lot of Daz Games and realized he refers to his followers as Dazzlers and I thought it was a fun concept, something entertaining and unique and I was inspired by him. So, I did some research, asked around and found a few options for what a group of pixies is called. I found ‘troupe’ ‘clan’ ‘herd’ and ‘flock.’ ‘Troupe was an option because it was the word for a group of dancers. It’s not a bad option, but when I think of ‘troupe’ I think of the Scooby-Doo episode, “San Fran-Psycho,” which had a very interesting troupe in it. That’s too polite. I hated them. They annoyed me so fucking bad. Now, I don’t really like that word. ‘Clan’ was okay, but felt too generic, and ‘herd’ and ‘flock’ felt too animalistic. I wanted something magical and whimsical and even a little random. I am bipolar after all, let’s embrace the madness!
Still having no unique word that I like, I voice my curiosities at work about what a group of pixies was called. Someone said a ‘glitter’ which reminded me of glitter force, some said ‘flitter’ which was interesting, but didn’t touch with me.
My friends dad was in the library printing something off for his bible study group while we were talking, and out of no where, this man says ‘Chime.’ Of course I asked “Chime?” and he responded, “Yeah, cause when you imagine a pixie flying, thy make a musical tinkling sound like wind chimes.”
I love it! It’s graceful, it’s whimsical, and it’s musical. So, you are now my Chime! Daz can have his Dazzlers, I have a fucking Chime!
“Why a pixie?” To be honest, I wanted to be Bipolar Unicorn because I have a casual obsession with Unicorns. However, there’s already a very well established Bipolar Unicorn. I didn’t know until I was double checking though, it wasn’t content I was previously familiar with. So I went through the a list of possible mythical options. Yes, it had to be mythical simply because I wanted it to be. My decision was a pixie, eventually, because they are small, mischievous, united, and yet very individualized. Also, pixies, and their even more twisted cousins, fairies, are known for being emotionally bipolar. It’s said that their bodies are so small, they can only experience one emotion at a time, which can result in them alternating between angry, sad, and happy in split seconds.
“What kind of content do you plan to have?” Well, I’m still thinking on that. I’ve contemplated some diary-esc entries about daily struggles I go through, maybe I add some tips my therapist gave me for managing my symptoms that I think other may benefit from, but I also want some more entertaining content. Maybe food recipes that I love, maybe game reviews I’ve tried, maybe places I’ve visited. Maybe when I started making money, I’ll post videos, cause video equipment is expensive on it’s own, but I’d have to pay for a membership to post videos on here. I might jump over to YouTube to post videos instead, but I don’t want to stop my blog. Writing is a love of mine that I don’t intend to give up any time soon.
“Why do you put up with your mother’s actions?” Because she’s my mother. Plus, my anxiety and the fact that she’s supporting me financially through my current problems makes it really hard to tell her to quit with the attitude.
“What is your favorite TV show?” Currently, I’m obsessed with reality TV such as “1000lb Sisters,” “Hoarders,” “Life Below Deck” and such. However, I’ve also been watching a lot of YouTube, and I know they don’t really count as TV shows, but I think I watch them so much that they should count. In case it wasn’t obvious, Daz Games is one of my favorites, along with Life of Luxury, Rifenstine (also known as Piloff), and Alter. Most of my favorites are horror content creators, but that’s really my happy place.
“Would you rather have 10 hobbies or one passion?” I’m bipolar, that’s not an option! I have thirty hobbies, five passions, and six hundred projects going at any given time. Right now, my passions are writing, food, learning about my disorder, learning about other disorders, and sleeping, lol. My hobbies are blogging, crocheting, reading, drawing, beading (making bracelets that are hideous), dancing, singing, riding horses, camping, swimming, running, etc., etc., etc. It’s one of the symptoms I suffer from that I have mixed feeling about. It’s called hypomania, a period of time where my energy and mood spike to do everything I really wanted to do, which causes me to start and pick up multiple projects at a time. It’s nice on the one hand, because my house is spotless for those few days and I tend to catch up on things I was falling behind in, but my anxiety also spikes, along with my paranoid thoughts. It’s exhausting to fight those thoughts of failure and self-loathing, so when I drop out of hypomania, I’m instantly depressed. I have no energy to fight the lingering self-loathing, and its detrimental to my ability to function.
“What would you do with ten million dollars?” Pay off debt, buy a house, set one million aside for future needs, such as bills, school, medical shit, and emergencies, then I’d give the rest to charity. I don’t know which one, but I’d like to focus on mental health or earth conservation efforts.
“If you could have any super power, which one would you choose?” Telekinesis, or flying. The applications of telekinesis are incredible to me, but flying seems like it would be fun.
“Do you dance around when now one is looking?” Of course I do. Sometimes you just need an energetic release and dancing is my favorite. Plus, sometimes I just hear a song I want to jam to, so I do.
“Would you rather live (permanently) in a roller coaster, or in a zoo?” That’s easy, a zoo. I hate roller coasters. They scare the fuck out of me! However, I love zoos. I love the animals the conservations efforts, and the general vibe of them.
“Would you rather be able to breathe under water or have the agility of a cat?” That’s a harder question to answer. I love swimming, but I don’t necessarily swim enough to find that useful. But, if I could breathe under water, I might make more of an effort to go swimming or move near the ocean. Then I could focus on aquatic animal studies. The real curiosity is if I would be immune to extreme pressures in the deep ocean. On the other hand, I’m klutzy as fuck. I trip over flat surfaces, fall up stairs, and find gravity to be my worst nemesis. Having increased agility would be great. Can you imagine going from tripping on your way up the stairs to being able to climb the railing to get to the top. To even just be able to catch something someone throws at me with even thinking would be incredible. So, you know, I think I’ve convinced myself I’d rather have the agility of a cat.
“When you are old, what do you think children will ask you to tell stories about?” 2020. Fires, pandemics, killer bees, and the worst of all, the great toilet paper shortage. I was working at Walmart through most of 2020, and it was horrible. We had to stand in the toilet paper aisle and hand people their paper products to keep people from taking more than one each. We had no bread, no canned food, no eggs. It was a shit show.
“When you meet someone you’re attracted to, what do you first notice about them?” Their eyes, especially now when we’re all stuck wearing masks.
“Spontaneity or stability?” Hahahaha! No seriously, that’s funny because I want both at the same damn time. I want random adventures while safe in bed.
“What chore do you absolutely hate doing?” Dishes, and I can’t even explain why.
“What’s you least favorite mode of transportation?” Planes. I hate them with a burning passion. I’m from the Midwest, I will drive 14 hours before I take a plane, if I have a choice.
“What’s the best part of waking up?” Food. I’m a foodie at heart. Burgers, steaks, chicken strips, salads, soups. I’m picky, but I’m a foodie anyway.
“What’s your least favorite food?” Mushrooms. I can eat anything else, even if I don’t like it, but I won’t even touch mushrooms.
“What’s your most favorite food?” Lo Mein from Chopstix. From what I can find, and please correct me if I’m wrong, Chopstix Asian Bistro is primarily a Wyoming restaurant. They have amazing food here in Riverton, and I’m obsessed with Asian food. Also, I’m aware it’s been Americanized to an extent the same way Italian food has, and if I ever end up traveling to any Asian countries, I probably won’t like their food.
“Have you ever dropped food on the floor and then picked it up and ate it?” Yes. Five second rule was a real rule when I was little. I also drank out of a hose, swam in a trough, crawled through ditches and ate my ice cream after my dog licked it. I was, after all, a child living on a farm. These are just things I thought of as normal. I’m also aware now that some of that was really weird and gross, but when you’re a kid, you don’t think it’s gross, you think, “I love this ice cream.”
“Do you have a special place you really like to visit regularly?” My college’s library. I don’t know if it’s really special, since it’s also where I work, but if I have free time, I end up in the library. It’s quiet, peaceful, a great place to study, plus, Gertrude the ghost doesn’t bother me when I’m there.
“I’m sorry, Pixie, did you just say ‘ghost?'” Yes, I did. Though I have never had an encounter with her, my coworkers say they have. And to be fair to all of my coworkers opinions, I’m not sure if the ghost is a man or a woman. The coworker who thinks its a man says she’s heard weird noises, had things move around on her, and felt it was a masculine energy. The coworker who calls it Gertrude says lights will turn on or off unexpectedly, and she felt it was a woman. I would also like to mention, we have those motion sensor lights in some areas in the library. She says they’ve turned on for no reason. Some of the lights with switches have also been known to turn off and on. Because the one coworker had a name for it, I’m calling the ghost Gertrude. If Gertrude doesn’t like that, I invite her to correct me.
“Do you think ‘Friends’ is a bad TV show?” Hell no! I understand the dislike and controversy because of the misogynistic humor and all white cast, and early 2000 thinking, but I find most of the jokes hilarious, plus they have amazing plots, in my opinion. For example, all three women of the show go through what was considered atypical pregnancy situations at the time. Most shows had people getting married and having kids and maybe getting divorced to start the plot of a single parent show. Not this one. Phoebe was the first to have a baby, and she actually had three, but none of them were even hers. She agreed to be a surrogate for her brother and his wife, which I think was absolutely incredible of her. Even today, is should be considered a more available option for couple who want to have biological children, but can’t carry them. Rachel had Ross’s baby out of wedlock, which may be much more common today, but wasn’t shown in that same lighting. Rachel moved in with her platonic male friend while raising her baby. And Monica had the saddest yet most amazing hardships. The poor woman so desperately wanted to be a mom, was made to be a mother, and then found out she couldn’t have kids. It’s heart breaking, but she didn’t give up on growing her family. She and Chandler opted, instead, to adopt twins. I adore her for doing that. I adore the whole damn show!
“Favorite day of the week?” For now, it’s Tuesday. I get to be at school all day long, which is depressing, but I’m happier at school than I am at home.
“What life lessons would you pass on to your children?” Adulting in general. How to budget, how to pay bills responsibly, how to work at a job you hate, how to become independent, how to recognize the signs of depression vs. sadness, and when to ask for help in life. These are things I struggled with growing up and even now, and I want to teach my future children better. Yes, I want them to have a fun, loving childhood, but I also want them to learn responsibility and life skills to carry into adulthood.
“What time do you normally go to bed?” I try to be in bed by ten, but I don’t always manage that. I have insomnia, a common problem for people with Bipolar II Disorder. I take meds for it, take CBD oil, and sometimes I just can’t fall asleep. The other problem I have with sleep is if I take my whole regiment of sleeping aids because I really can’t fall asleep, then I’ll be out for at least ten hours, and several times, up to twelve hours. I feel more exhausted in the morning than I did the night before. But, if I don’t sleep, I’m irritable and can’t focus on anything. It’s rough.
“What is the best and worst parts of your personality?” Everything. Just everything. Sometimes I’m talkative, and feel extroverted and friendly, but when I’m like that, I also get awkward. I suffer from accidental inappropriateness. I don’t know if there’s a real term, but the point is, I get to talking to someone, and say something and their face wrinkles up with that what-the-hell look, and I instantly regret opening my mouth. I said something awkward or inappropriate and didn’t know it was awkward or inappropriate. Then I get paranoid about thinking everything I said or will say was or is inappropriate so I should shut my mouth before I make it worse. Then I become severely introverted because I don’t want to fuck more things up. So, everything is bad and good about me.
“What takes up to much of your time?” Anxiety and paranoia. I spend way too much time trying to reason with myself during panic attacks. And YouTube. I spend a lot of time on YouTube.
“Do you sometimes talk to yourself?” Yes, all the time. It’s a mix of reasoning and self-loathing, so it’s always lengthy conversations. I’ll also mention, I am one of those people that has imaginary conversations with other people about things that piss me off or stress me out. I don’t know if that counts as talking to myself, but in case it does, I’ll mention it here.
“What’s the most ticklish spot on your body?” Hard one here. I think it’s my feed, but my neck, sides, and back of my knees get pretty ticklish too.
“What is your favorite drink?” My favorite alcoholic drink is hot cocoa with peppermint vodka in it. My favorite non alcoholic drink is Dr. Pepper. I have the deepest love for a good can of Dr. Pepper.
“What is your most essential appliance?” The microwave. I hate it, but I need my microwave.
“Can you do any accents other than your own?” Um… yeah, but I can’t guarantee I’m any good at them.
“Are you a clean or messy person?” Depends on the day. Sometimes I’m a clean freak, sometimes I couldn’t give less of a shit.
“What’s your favorite type of pie?” Apple, without a single doubt.
“Who’s your favorite comedian?” Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias, or Jeff Dunham. Both are absolutely hilarious. Jeff has the dummies, which I adore. I love Peanut, Walter, and Achmed the most. I even have a Peanut sweater from when I say him live. Gabriel is funny just because he’s funny. He has incredible stories that he tells in a way that have me rolling everytime.
“Do you have any superstitions?” It took me a while to think of any, but the only ones I can come up with all pertain to mirrors, break a mirror, get seven years of bad luck, spirits can get trapped in mirrors, black mirrors are magical, and such. Mirrors freak me out. I know it’s really weird to get freaked out about a mirror. I’ve seen too many horror movies, but every time I look in the mirror, I have to stare only at myself, because if I look behind me in the mirror, or turn around for a second and turn back, something’s going to be there waiting for me.
“What horror movie character scares you the most?” Pennywise the Dancing Clown from Stephen King’s “It.” That fucker is absolutely terrifying to me.
“What’s your favorite type of tree?” Willow trees or wisteria trees. I love the way their branches hang down around them.
“What’s your favorite flower?” Fuchsias are my absolute favorite, but since they’re much more of an outdoor hanging plant to me, my favorites in a bouquet are peonies and gardenias.
“Have you ever gotten lost in a maze?” Yes. Every year a farm just outside of the town I grew up in had a corn maze during Halloween, and when I was little, my dad took me and my sisters. Middle sis and I split off from Dad and Youngest sis when there was a fork in the path, and we kept on wondering for a while until it started to get dark. Dad and Youngest suddenly popped out of the corn, cussing about how hard it was to get through the maze. He decided he was done with maze and lead us through the corn rows to get back to the truck.
“What’s your opinion on rats?” I actually adopted two shortly after starting at the pet store and they were the sweetest little things ever. They loved to sit in my lap and watch tv with me, and we shared snacks. Domesticated, well bred rats are some of the cleanest creatures on earth. They’re more OCD than I am in a hypomanic state. Sadly, when I had to move home, I had to return them to the shelter because my mom hates rodents in general and wouldn’t let me bring them with me.
“Have you ever been to a gym?” You may not know it by looking at me, especially given my love of food, but yes I’ve been to a gym before.
“Have you ever ridden a tractor?” Yes. It wasn’t at home though. I worked at the local fair grounds for two summers and drove the tractor to clear weeds in the parking lot out back.
“What’s your favorite Disney movie?” The live action “Beauty and the Beast” or the “Greatest Showman.”
“Have you ever handled a snake?” Yes, on multiple occasions. We grew up catching garter snakes, my science teacher in high school had a python that held once, which was surprisingly terrifying as the thing tried to slither down my shirt, and I worked in a pet store that sold snakes.
“Have you ever assembled furniture by yourself?” Yes, and I’m really good at it too.
“Do you stick to conventional fashions like to try and be original?” I thing the actually question should be, “Do you have a sense of style?” to which I would answer not at all. Not one ounce of half decent fashion sense lives in this soul. I wear a lot of very plain jeans, shirts, shoes, sweaters, and such. I think it would be entertaining if someday I let my sister shop for me. I would give her full reign to pick out and style clothes for me and I would pay for it. She has a great sense of style, plus I trust her to not make me look like an idiot.
“Do you prefer tea, coffer, or cocoa?” This is a hard one. While I absolutely hate coffee, I love tea and cocoa. I have a large amount of differing teas, from ginger, to orange, to green, to lavender, but I also have a pretty amazing way sprucing up my hot cocoa that, surprisingly, doesn’t involve vodka.
“Is it acceptable or unacceptable to smack a child as a form of punishment?” So, this is definitely a controversial topic now a days because no one wants to be labeled a child abuser for disciplining their kids. While I do believe in spanking, I don’t believe it should be the go to punishment. No, I don’t mean picking up a spoon and paddling the backend of a child until they can’t sit down (which was my moms favorite), I mean a quick smack on the butt when you’ve told a child several times to behave, and they refuse to. I believe the first step in any disciplinary action should be to discuss with the child the offending action, how to avoid it, consequences for continuing the offending action, and only after all of these steps have been taking should a child be spanked. Actions have consequences, and the sooner children are taught that, the better off they’ll be in life.
“Can a heterosexual male ever wear pink?” Is this supposed to be a stupid question? I really want to know. “But, Pixie, you picked these questions.” You’re right, but I picked them off of a random question generator, and this one makes my blood boil. What kind of misogynistic, toxic masculinity bullshit in todays society determines certain men should wear pink. Everybody can wear pink! Absolutely everybody in the entire world can wear pink, if it is their decision, or blue, or green, or purple, or the freaking rainbow in sparkly satin for all I care!
“What’s the worst thing about being a female?” That’s a heck of a list to choose from. I could go with the generalized consensus that we don’t feel safe when we walk by ourselves anywhere. I could go with the dream for actual social equality without having to resort to aggressive, distasteful actions that get us labeled as “Feminazis.” Maybe its being labeled a tease if we dress up but don’t put out, a slut if we do put out, a fugly homebody if we don’t dress nice all the time, a whore if we sleep around a prude if we don’t, a fake if we’re nice, a bitch if we’re real, and every other name for every other action we take! But it’s definitely periods, people. Bleeding out of my fucking uterus once a month is definitely worse the fear of being kidnapped and raped every time I go to the store (Que extremely sarcastic eye roll). I might add this to my list of things to rant about later, because goddess knows I could rant about it for ages.
“Pixie are you a democrat or a republican?” I’m a moderate libertarian, if that’s even the right way to say that. I have pretty definitive views on many topics that could align me with democrats or republicans. For example, I believe in affordable health care for everyone, even those that can’t work, can work but don’t make enough money, have ten kids and four incomes with no health issues, or a single woman with years and years of disability issues and thousands of dollars worth of hospital visits. I also believe to get into America, you should do it legally, gun control is moronic, defunding police is going to get more people killed than not, and prisoners who have the capacity to improve themselves should be helped and rehabilitated to avoid them ending up in prison again. I have a lot more to say on all of these topics, so I’ll also add them to a rant list for later.
“What’s the best thing about being female?” Sometimes my dress has pockets and sometimes those pockets are big enough to hold phones. Better clothing options for the most part. Drunken conversations in the girls bathroom are some of the best things ever! We can cry and people just let it go.
“Have you ever starred in a school play?” In middle school, I had a part as the feinting nun in a play about a haunted convent that wasn’t really haunted. I also played a detective in a Christmas play, and a narrating mouse in a play about Beethoven.
“Have you ever been to a live concert?” Yes, twice so far. The first time was at the Wyoming State FFA Convention when I was sixteen. I can’t remember the band now, it was a little known country band trying to further their career. The second was the following October, after I turned seventeen, at National FFA Convention. The main event was Jake Owen, but I never actually got to see him. His opening act was a girl I don’t remember, but I hated her voice. Plus, everything was too loud and sent me into a panic attack that at the time I didn’t even know was a panic attack.
“What’s your favorite farmyard animal?” Horses. Cows are walking disasters who know there own size. Goats are little bastards who love to jump too much and head butt everything, despite sometimes being cute. Sheep are assholes who love to trample people and not follow leads. Pigs are lazy lards, who are too smart for their own good most days. Chickens are cliquey cluckers, not even kidding. Ducks are water dependent morons. Turkeys have the nastiest shit of any animal I’ve had the displeasure of meeting. Horses are almost like giant dogs that you can ride. They get annoyed and fight, but a quick push on their heads or smack on the rear and they check themselves.
“Who was your first crush?” The son of one of my parents who was over ten years older than me, and when he graduated and got married, I cried a little.
“Do you have any questions about things you’re just too scared or embarrassed to ask anyone about?” Yes! Absolutely yes! I will be honest, most of them are about the LGBTQ+ community. They’re not rude questions, at least not in my mind. I’m honestly just curious about somethings, but I’m afraid to ask in case they’re seen as rude or inappropriate questions that may offend someone. So, if you’re part of this community and are comfortable with me asking you questions that may be rude or inappropriate, please get a hold of me! I really just want to understand some things without hurting anyone.
“Have you ever had anything published?” No, but I’m working on getting a fantasy book published.
“Do you believe in love at first sight?” Not anymore. I used to, but my relationship history has kind of ruined me on love for now.
“Have you ever been in a hot tub?” Yes, I even had a friend who owned a hot tub and invited me over to hang out and use it sometimes.
“Have you ever had chicken pox?” Twice, actually. The first was a very mild case that lasted two or three days. The second was more severe and lasted around two weeks.
“Do you get seasick?” I get car sick… is it like that?
“Which celebrity do you find the most annoying?” Kim Kardashian. There’s so much about her that annoys me, but the top of the list is her voice.
“If someone else’s child was being an annoying little runt, would you do something about it?” I don’t know. It depends on the kids, the situation, the parents. I know at work, I say things to kids about not being disruptive, but outside of work I couldn’t tell you.
“Do you believe in karma?” Yes.
“Do you believe in fairies?” I’m a pixie, so yes. But for real, I don’t fuck with fairy rings for a reason.
“What’s your favorite god from ancient history?” Originating in ancient history, my favorite is the Greek goddess of magic, witchcraft, and crossroads, Hecate. She’s a badass, in my humble opinion, but it’s hard to say ancient when a lot of gods are still worshipped today thanks to modernized paganism.
“What was your first detention for?” Bullying a bully back. Long story short, my middle school bully pissed me off so I said something mean, she told, I got detention.
“Have you ever carved a pumpkin?” Twice total.
“Is your dad an embarrassing dancer?” Absolutely, which is hilarious to me.
“Rebound relationships, good or bad?” They happen. I don’t think they’re good or bad, they just are, so long as you don’t lead the other person into thinking it’s a long term relationship if it’s not.
“Teen age parents, good, bad or indifferent?” My opinion for the whole of the world is if you are not physically, emotionally, mentally and financially able to take care of yourself, you are not even remotely prepared to have, take care of, and raise a child. I don’t give a fuck how old you are.
“Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same gender?” To my knowledge, it’s happened once. It’s possible it may have happened more than that, and I just didn’t know. I honestly wasn’t expecting it and if she wasn’t so obvious about it I wouldn’t have even blinked at it. It was flattering, but also creepy because she had to be as old as my dad, and I’m not into that.
“What’s your family Christmas like?” Crazy and stressful.
“How much do you tend to swear in public?” All the fucking time, ha!
That’s all the questions I can answer, and come up with for now. I hope you enjoyed, or at least were mildly entertained by my randomness. Like, comment, and subscribe so that you never miss out on my wacky adventures.
Until next time, fly high Chimers!
“Protect your mental health. You don’t have to try to be everything to everyone.”
― Keishorne Scott
Diary of a Bipolar Pixie 